At the end of July, R and I jetted off for 4 days in Vienna. I’ve always wanted to go; it seems like such a romantic city, and anywhere that is famous for a cake is an ideal choice as far as I’m concerned.
I had, however, underestimated just how big the city is. Silly of me, given that it’s a capital city. Big cities aren’t a problem for us generally; however, given that we prefer to explore cities on foot and I’m not exactly at maximum capacity it may not have been the best idea. We still had a great time, but I definitely overdid it. On our first day we must have walked about 11 miles! Predictably, that meant I really just was too tired to enjoy things that I had been looking forward to. It was certainly worth visiting, but I think I may have to go back to get a real feel for the spirit of the city.
Nonetheless, I thought it’d be nice to share a few of my favorite pictures.
First, how has this happened?! It seems impossible that I’m 6 months pregnant and only 3 months away from meeting our little one, who has felt a little abstract up until now, if I’m honest. It’s particularly weird because I don’t feel very different yet. It’s a strange thing to say when at least once a day someone comments on how big I am, and when I look in the mirror and can clearly see my bump and how very different I look. But it still doesn’t feel that heavy; I’ve been very fortunate and not yet had swelling, back pain, or any of the more serious pregnancy complaints. I have been tired and gassy (yup, I know you’re glad I shared that) and that’s about it. I haven’t been able to forget I’m pregnant for months, but it certainly hasn’t felt like it’s played a big part in my daily routines.
But as the 3rd trimester begins, I am starting to worry about when this will change. One of the things that has changed already is allotmenting – I’m not really comfortable digging anymore. What will go next? I’m still cycling. My original plan was to stop at 28 weeks (if I could make it that far), but now that I’m there I still feel well & balanced, and really don’t want to stop. I’m losing enough sleep as it is and am not keen on the thought of getting up an hour earlier to walk or take the bus to the train station. I am finding it interesting to observe people’s reactions to my cycling, though. It seems to evoke strong feelings, with people either looking absolutely horrified or pleased. Generally it leans toward the former, but I was really glad to hear my midwife say that she thought it was brilliant I was still riding my bike. Recently I’ve been reminding myself that it’s perfectly normal in a lot of countries, too.
Other random thoughts:
I am loving my body during pregnancy. Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed (in a good way) by how perfectly round my belly seems to me; surely that can’t be normal?! It’s like someone’s strapped an adorable bowling ball to my belly. My belly button is looking super weird/disturbing, but what the heck, something was bound to stretch! I am, however, still learning to cope with other people’s comments. My confidence lasts right up until someone tells me I’m huge or big for how far along I am. I generally try to brush it off when they’re there, and have even replied to say, hey, there’s a whole second human in there, but the truth is I am finding it a little hard. I spend days, sometimes up to a week, obsessing about it afterwards. Instead I’m trying to cling to one particularly wonderful person’s comment one day that I looked like a 15th century Italian madonna, minus the pancake hat. I’ll take it!
I am not loving the fact that I can’t sleep. This is partly due to physical discomfort, but also partly just overthinking right before I go to bed.
The conversations about names are still fun, but I really hope we can make a final shortlist soon!
Antenatal classes are next month, and I am feeling pretty apprehensive about them. I did want to do them, because I’ve not really started to think about birth or parenting in detail yet, and I think they will help us prepare for that. While the pregnancy is definitely starting to feel real, and we have now started to buy/be given baby things (the only thing left on our list of essentials is a stroller), I do think the classes will make it real in a totally different way. Mainly this is because so far the pregnancy has been something between me & R; I haven’t thought about other people’s expectations or experiences that much. I’ve deliberately not even read any books, though I’ve been tempted. I just know how natural it is for me to compare myself to others, and I am really worried that the classes will magnify this and that I will now start to second-guess myself about everything.
Why is it that I like the expensive strollers best? I am not willing to spend that much money on a stroller! Or am I? Gah. Ideas for Stokke knock-offs gratefully received.
I am starting to look forward to my maternity leave, which starts in just under 2 months. Eek! I’m planning to do some nice things for myself if I can; perhaps a day craft workshop or something.
It’s hilarious how many people have told me in the past couple of weeks that I seem very laid back and calm. I really don’t feel calm at all; I am just taking the route of not thinking about problems until they’re staring me in the face. Most of the time this seems like a good strategy, though, and I think overall I have been quite relaxed during the second trimester which I’m very pleased about. I was so stressed until a couple of weeks after the anomaly scan in week 20, so it has been really refreshing. I think the truth is that I feel a little fatalistic about all of it. Having lost one pregnancy before, I guess I am aware of just how little control I have over the pregnancy, and am reacting by pretending it’s not happening rather than worrying about things that I can’t control. This feels like a good enough coping mechanism for me, though I admit I do get jealous of women who are getting excited so much earlier than I did (there are a lot of other pregnancies at my workplace at the moment).
I still can’t really comprehend how much my life will change after the baby arrives.
It’s been an eventful few weeks, hence my lack of consistent blogging. Last week was particularly stressful, with a cancelled holiday due to R’s dad unexpectedly going into hospital. Thankfully, he is fine! I have now come down with a summer cold or flu & have spent the day trying to nap, with mixed results, and trying to stop my eyes from weeping, with no success at all.
I realized the other day that I’ve not done a 5 happy things post for quite a while. I have a few other drafts waiting to be finished, but this seems a good time to do something nice & easy.
I bought some sunflowers the other day, just to cheer up the house. Seeing them as I come home has been lovely.
The plums on our allotment have come in! There are so many this year, and there seem to be fewer worms than usual, too. Yesterday I picked 2.2 kilos. Time to make some Pflaumenkuchen again, I think.
I have, at long last, finished the first panel of our bedroom curtains. I planned to finish the second one today, but alas that is definitely not happening. It shouldn’t take too long now; it’s just a matter of attaching the lining and header tape. Once I find a curtain rod, I’ll be able to share them on here. I am so excited about getting them up. On a side note, if anyone can recommend a place to buy very sturdy curtain poles, I’d love to hear it. These are so heavy!
After starting to worry about whether what I was feeling was really the baby, I am relieved & thrilled that I know I definitely have. And R has now felt it as well, which is extra lovely. Yesterday I played some Fleet Foxes and could feel it wriggling like mad! I’m very excited about feeling it for the next few months.
Time with friends
I got to meet my friend’s new baby for the first time yesterday. She didn’t like me & cried every time I tried to hold her, but I’m hoping she’ll eventually grow out of that! It was nice to spent time with her toddler as well, going to the park & the allotment, where he helped me pick some of those plums.
Finally, I’ve accomplished something knitting-related this year! This week I finished the Maile cardigan from What to Knit When You’re Expecting. This isn’t for me, but for a friend who had a baby in June. I knit it using Rico Baby Dream DK, which is one of the most gloriously soft & smooshy yarns I’ve had the pleasure to knit with. Technically this cardigan’s meant to be in 4-ply, but I had this yarn on hand & it turned out just fine, if possibly a little bigger than intended. The buttons are vintage cloth-covered ones that I had in my stash already.
This was a pretty straightforward knit, but I’m not sure I’d knit it again. I prefer top-down cardigans; this one had slightly odd construction. To her credit, the author does acknowledge that it’s a difficult sleeve join & offers tips (i.e. the magic loop method) to help. It was still a faff, though, and resulted in some awkward seaming.
The best thing about this knit was that it was my first knit using my set of interchangeable Hiya Hiya super sharp needles. And they were delightful! It was also a novelty to have spare cables, which meant I could just slip sections onto a spare cable & reuse the same size needles, rather than needing either spare needles or scrap yarn (which is useful, but I do find transferring the stitches back onto a needle annoying because I am terribly lazy).
It’s been a month since my visit to the Eden Project, but I still wanted to share some of my favorite pictures and a few thoughts on it as it is quite a unique spot. Unfortunately I was only there for about 5 hours rather than a whole day due to travel & lack of a clear plan. I think that did have a big impact on my experience there, in that we only had time to go around the biomes rather than the whole of the site.
I had high expectations for the Eden Project, perhaps unreasonable ones. I saw Tim Smit speak once & he was so engaging & enthusiastic that I was completely sold & immediately wanted to go visit. The trouble was that I was thinking of it as a garden, whereas actually there is a lot more to it. Having visited it, my impression is that the Eden Project is primarily a sustainability education, with the garden as a vehicle for that mission. And from that point of view, it’s brilliant! The transformation of landscape is absolutely breath-taking & deserves to be celebrated. But I have to be honest – as a garden, I was a little disappointed. It’s only fair to say that I have been lucky to visit a lot of incredible botanical gardens, though, and that is what I went in expecting. And that’s just not what the Eden Project is. There was still so much that I loved, though! It’s certainly worth a visit, but I think I would only go back with children.
I’ve not written too much about the pregnancy yet, and if I’m honest I’m not sure how much I will write. There’s so much already on the internet about pregnancy that I think I may just be boring people, plus as I’m keeping a private pregnancy journal I guess I have less of an urge to write about it here.
That said, it’s definitely not off-limits & there are a few things I’m sure you’ll be wondering about, and that I’m very happy to share. I really liked Sarah’s FAQs format, so I’ve shamelessly stolen tweaked it for my own purposes. Settle in for a long read, sorry! 🙂 Just for perspective, as I write this I’m just about to start my 26th week (so roughly 5 1/2 months in).
Do you know/are you going to find out what you’re having?
Nope. Part of me wanted to know, but R didn’t. Had I known, I wouldn’t have wanted to tell other people, though, and I am not convinced I could have kept it secret, so ultimately I agreed with him! R is convinced it’s a boy, because during the 12-week scan the sonographer once said “he” instead of “it” or “the baby”. I, on the other hand, genuinely have no inkling.
How are you feeling?
Pretty well now. The first trimester was not fun, but more on that below. I have had lots of people tell me I look well, am blooming, etc, recently. This may or may not be true, but is lovely nonetheless. The past week or so, I have felt a bit more tired again – the tiredness had mostly passed at 14 weeks or so, so it’s annoying that it’s back. My main symptom, though, is needing to go to the loo. Like, all the time. It’s terribly irritating. Overall, though, I do feel genuinely well. I’m still able to ride my bike, which I think is helping & which I’m really grateful for. My aim is to be able to carry on for another couple of weeks, up to 28 weeks. But I am paying close attention to my body and definitely won’t push myself if it starts to get uncomfortable or I feel wobbly.
Have you had any weird food cravings/aversions?
Hm. It’s hard to say. I mean, when does it become a craving? I quite fancied melon early on, and other cold foods (and I’ve eaten a ton of ice cream), but it is summer. The one thing that I think qualifies as a craving is Nutty Bars, so if you’re reading this in America, please consider this a plea, as you genuinely can’t get these here, even online! Nutty Bars are chocolate-coated wafers with layers of peanut butter. They’re terrible for you, but I have been thinking about them for ages & would pay quite a lot for them, hence why I think they qualify now.
Aversions have been really pronounced, though. During the first few months, I basically didn’t want to eat anything as I was quite nauseous, though fortunately not to the point of being sick. I’d cook dinner and then I couldn’t eat it. I did manage to eat a bit, but only about half of what I can normally eat. My appetite came back at around 14 weeks. I still can’t stand the thought of spinach, mushrooms (which I normally love), or eggs, though. Eggs are the worst, but to be fair I’ve not been able to eat poached eggs since the miscarriage; it’s just that now I don’t want them in any form!
There’s definitely just one in there, isn’t there?
Ha, aren’t you clever. I hate it when people ask this. Yes, there’s definitely just one, and I am definitely not big enough yet to merit asking this.
Can you feel it move yet?
No, I don’t think so. Most people will have felt it by now, and in the past couple of weeks there have been a couple of moments that might have been the baby, but I’m not sure. I have an anterior placenta, so any movement I do feel will be muffled, and is often later as well. Occasionally I’ve felt something like what you feel on a roller coaster or going quickly down a hill, when your stomach pitches around. There have also been a couple of things that feel like a strong pulse or throb; that could be the baby, but again I’m not really sure.
What sort of birth are you planning to have?
Oh, man, I’m not ready to start thinking about that. Hopefully one with as little pain as possible, I guess? I’m a hippie in a lot of ways, but my approach to health/medicine is pretty modern. Drugs all the way, if I decide I want them, as long as there is no harm to the baby! We’re signed up for antenatal classes in September, so I’m sure I’ll think about it after that. Ultimately, I guess for me the birth is such a small part of having a child that it’s not that important to me how it happens.
How are the cats taking the news?
I’m not sure it’s sunk in yet. 🙂 Pippa’s mostly annoyed that she can’t sit on my stomach/chest anymore. She occasionally lies on my hips when I’m on my side, but clearly finds it uncomfortable.
He’s very excited. We’re currently having endless conversations about names, and making lists of things we need/want.
Can you talk about anything else right now?
Yes, happily! To be honest, I’ve not really been that interested in thinking or talking about the pregnancy. For the first trimester, it was because I was so scared of having another miscarriage. Work has been incredibly busy since then, so I suppose I didn’t have much time to think about it. Oh, and I started driving lessons in June. Things have now calmed down, and I expect the pregnancy/baby will now start to take up more time. Up to now, I’ve been spending lots of time thinking about work, the allotment, the house, what I’m reading, etc, etc. I talk about the pregnancy when other people bring it up, but haven’t raised it myself, apart from with a few people.
What are you making for the baby?
I’ve no grand plans, I’m afraid. I’ve mentioned the baby blanket previously, and I’d like to make a mobile and decorate some onesies. R’s mum has already knitted us 3 cardigans and 2 blankets. My mom also knits, as do a lot of our friends, so I’m going to scale back on what I’d normally do. I’m also trying to think of tactful ways to tell people we don’t want any more blankets – we’re already up to 4! Any tips gratefully received.
Some more thoughts about this pregnancy:
I am relieved to say that my mental health has been well throughout the pregnancy. I know both my mom & sister really enjoyed being pregnant, but I was still nervous. So far, I have had a few crying spells – I’m indecisive at the best of times, but I genuinely can’t cope with them now. This is pretty mild, though; there have been no suicidal thoughts or anything serious.
I’m surprised at my lack of interest in baby things so far. Is this normal? Is it because of the miscarriage? I don’t feel any inclination to go to baby sections or look at tiny cute things. Perhaps I am just not ready to accept the reality of becoming a parent yet, in spite of wanting it for some time. We have bought a few picture books, and when we were in Stratford we bought a bib with a Shakespeare quote about puking on it (How could I resist that?!), but that’s been it so far. Every time we visit R’s parents they give us something & I feel instantly overwhelmed. And then I feel guilty, because I should be grateful, right?
You may have noticed there are pictures of me in this post! As a rule, I really hate pictures of myself. I know, I’m terrible. Anyway, I have made an effort to make sure we do have pictures of me while pregnant. I do think it’s one time of my life that I’d regret not having photos, though I haven’t done weekly photos as that’s a bit much for me.
At the beginning of July, we had a visit from my German aunt and cousin. My aunt had particularly mentioned Cornwall, and as we’d never been (it’s trickier to get there, particularly the coast, when you don’t drive) we did our best to encourage this plan. 🙂 Another friend from Germany also ended up coming, so it was a brilliant bilingual holiday!
We ended up renting a cottage near Tintagel and going for a brief 3 days. It was absolutely fantastic, though. The weather held out, with no rain and a reasonable amount of sunshine. The cottage was just 3 fields away from the coastal path & 15 minutes to a beach on either side, so a lot of our time was spent right on the coast. It was so relaxing.
I was pretty in love with the gorgeous herringbone stone walls, probably made from local stone as there were a lot of quarries in this area historically.
Look at me, sitting on a gate at 21 weeks pregnant like a responsible mother-to-be.
And of course there had to be a cream tea. The scones were still warm – perfect. We also ate a lot of ice cream while we were there. The best was R’s raspberry ripple. I’m still kicking myself for not going back to get some for myself.
I was incredibly impressed by the water. The color & clarity were stunning. It was quite cloudy when I took this, believe it or not.
It also happened to be the fourth of July while we were there, so we used the cottage’s grill to have a barbecue. Burgers, hot dogs, and halloumi for the veggie friend who had also come with us.
Our trip ended with this perfect sunset. As you can imagine, I’m pretty desperate to go back soon.
I also persuaded my aunt to go to the Eden Project, but I’ve decided that deserves its own post.
Have you been to Cornwall? Where should we go next time?